my life as an army wife

My feelings have deeply changed for the men and women who serve our country. I met my husband, Chris, in high school (at the time boyfriend), and we dated and got pregnant with our first child. Broke up shortly after we found out because we wanted... different things in life. A long 3.5 years later... and here I am married to my one love, when I always vowed never to marry a service member because I was not willing to put up with the bull that you deal with as a military spouse or member. 

We have been married 15 months on Saturday. And boy what a ride it has been so far. Goods times, bad times... And yet here I am. Alive.. Healthy.. And happy. Out of those 15 months, we have physically been together 7 months. Not easy, not fun. Exactly what I dreaded before I decided to start my journey as an Army Wife. I never imagined the pride I would feel being married to a soldier. My husband has overcome so many obstacles in his 3 years with the military. It has changed his life for the better, even though it is difficult at times. I will be forever grateful for that. Our first 7 months were full of learning how to be married, and living like the family we were. Chris never living with kids before, and me learning to live the military life. and then DEPLOYMENT hit.

Ohhh yes the D word. Every military spouses nightmare...

Chris deployed Oct 2012. And honestly, I wasn't sweating it. I was a single mother for almost 3 years with 2 children. I knew how to handle a family on my own. I could sleep alone at night, that was old news. 

YIKES.

I did not realize how badly I really need my husband for comfort and love. Once you've got that, you don't ever want to let it go. Everyone says "well at least you've got your kids and family!"... Yeah they are awesome and fun and all... but they're not HIM. They can't wrap their arms around me at night making me feel safe. The kids certainly keep me busy, and I know they love me. But its not the same love a husband provides. 

It takes a strong woman, mentally and emotionally, to be away from her husband for months, sometimes years, at a time. Nothing anyone says will make you feel better about your husband being in a war zone. People who have never actually dealt with the military, whether serving themselves or a family member serving, HAVE NO IDEA. 

Staring at the wall at night because you can't find comfort in a pillow. Those heart stopping moments whenever your doorbell rings or you get a knock at the door. Feeling like a high school girl with a crush for those 5 minutes you do get to talk to your soldier, and making the absolute most of it. We are the best support for our husbands/wives. So many soldiers get through deployment knowing their spouse is behind them 100%, and that we are taking care of the "troops" at home. 

I have found love I never would have realized I had for Chris, if he wasn't deployed. YES yes yes it SUCKS!!! But you need to find the positivity in situations like deployment. There are different bonds to be built when you are apart for long times. You learn things you never knew about your other half. Our relationship is the strongest it has ever been. We've got a little less than 4 months to go, but we are kicking this deployments ass and comin out on TOP!